Ahh I just have so many thoughts bouncing around in my head I hope this post isn't too all over the place. Try to bear with me!
I have less than a week here and although I do have daily access to a calendar, I just realized this small fact yesterday. In other words, a lot of things just hit me. Examples? Sure. Maybe the fact that I wont be throwing on comfy clothes, walking downstairs to eat a buffet breakfast prepared for me, and then climbing many flights of stairs up to class with a cup of coffee in hand. Or maybe just the "free pass" I've clung to as my excuse to be more or less MIA from my life as of August 2009. I don't know if the reality check that will come promptly on January 5th will be sweet or anxiety ridden.
Jim asked us in our last EU class.... after all of this, these three months of traveling, exploring, learning, and absorbing, if we could chose, where would we live? Europe or the US?
Hands were instantly raising and people were throwing out their responses... Europe is more accepting, language barriers are hard, trains suck, they are so green in Europe--why can't we be like that? etc. But I couldn't collect my thoughts fast enough to answer the question. After a day and a half of "collecting" I came to the absolute 100% conclusion that I would never live in Europe. It has been one of the greatest gifts to come here and get thrown (literally) into a lifestyle that is so different from the one I grew accustomed to for 20 years it is just funny.
But I miss home too much. I miss the open spaces and the universal language that is English. I miss Starbucks and my car. I miss cable and the way Washington smells after a good rain. I miss running on the golf course and showering in a space I can fully turn around in. I miss the 70% of my wardrobe I couldn't bring over here. And I miss school. Oh how I miss school. The comfort of campus, frat row, and weekends of commons brunch.
We did teacher/course evals today and it was hard for me to fill out Jim and Eva's because I honestly couldn't find the right words to accurately express how much they've done for me. I did Europe for three months and they made it what it was. Jim's "ask me anything" mentality is something to be admired. He wants nothing more than to give his students everything they need to make smart decisions and make the bad ones too. I can see why he had six kids, he must be one of the best Dad's in the world.
Eva is just something else. Her maternal instinct is something that is never too far... whether its telling us about the dangers of Greece and the creepy Italian men or what she's in the kitchen cooking. She always has the most nurturing demeanor. Sometimes I just want to get up and hug her. Her passion for teaching is something that you can't learn. She just is. More than quizzing us on our daily German vocab, she above all else wants us to understand and appreciate the language as something to be respected. So many Europeans know English and know it well, it's her way of extending a hand to us Southern Californian students who speak broken Spanish after six years of classes, minimum.
Our last classes were sentimental for me. I feel like I've just survived some kind of intense internal battle with myself and I'm realizing that no, the world did not come to an end, I just came out of it a little stronger and slightly better off. It's funny what three plus months away from home can do to you. When you're in the middle of it, it is more a day-to-day struggle and you don't really realize each day's impact. But now, ten days into December and its pretty apparent that whatever you want to call the last three months, I will look at it as nothing less than a huge piece of me I didn't know I was still looking for.
It's weird because at 20 I feel like I kinda get things. I understand people, relationships, and the importance of staying true to yourself. I get what happens when I screw up, tread unfamiliar waters, and find myself flailing. Before, I think during hard times when the "flailing" occurs I was half expecting to be saved. I think a little time on my own taught me that often times, no ones going to be there. Not in a dramatic "no ones going to be there" way but in a realistic one. Unfamiliar waters are nothing more than adventure, and if anything, I will always love Europe for showing me that.
I am ready to see my family, come home and continue my junior year. I think I've found my path; and I'm excited to get a little messy and see what happens. ♥
So the post right below this one is my somewhat tardy tribute to Amsterdam. I have had that blog typed out and ready to hit send for two days now but because of this crazy semester coming to an end things have been hectic: enjoy! :)
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