day 2

It's day 2 on the road and we're all settled in to The Beverly Hills Hotel... dad surprised me! :) our room is so nice and the first thing it did was swim in the bath tub, felt soo good. I also got to check my emial before we headed out to make a 730 dinner reservation at Ago, some yummy italian place that is owned by Robert Deniro, crazy. And we randomly ran into Paige and her dad here too. Their staying two nights and leaving for Redlands Wednesday morning and were leaving tomorrow for our last destination, but it was good to see her! i'll be seeing a lot of her 2 days from now...
Tomorrow dad and I are going for a run and then I have a haircut at 1030 in the hotel. Hopefully we can do some shopping and sight seeing before we go to pick up mom at the Onterio airport around 5ish. It will be good to see her for my last night since her and megan have been pretty lonely at the house without me :)
Off to bed, the end of our road trip is near... woohoooo

oh ps: Meg made varsity today!! Congrats sis!!!

first night on the road!

It our first night on the road on my way to school. We're driving my car down (me and dad) and meeting mom closer to school on Tuesday. It was hard saying goodbye today. Oldest child going off to college, first daughter moving out and growing up. Both om and megan started crying, which in turn made me get all teary. It sad but I know I need to make this change and even though I'm nervous/anxious im very excited too. I wrote megan a letter of things to remember while im gone and left a few cute shirts for her to wear :) We stayed up late and watched Friends episodes in her bed last night, my last night home. I know she's going to miss me in that big room of ours but I'll be home in November! And im going to miss mommy... I dont want her to be sad. Shes coming down in October too and mabe bringing megan. I want megan to see my dorm room. I'm going to miss everyone so much! (Austin said goodbye too but he stayed on the couch to watch cartoons, haha)
We made it and are settled into Redding today after a 9 hour trek through Oregon to our current location, here in northern CA. Were in the hotel room right now, the classy Red Lion and just finished dinner at Cattlemen's Steak House. We also made a stop at Walgreens because I think I might be getting sick :/ My nose won't stop dripping and my eyes are bloodshot. I've been fighting allergies for the past week, but were starting to think it might be something more.
Anyways, we're headed to LA in the morning. Another 9 hour car ride to look forward to. It's been good father/ daughter bonding time. Today I drove a 2 hour shift, and used cruise control for the first time! The speed limits are different here, ranging from 55-65 so you really have to pay attention.
Will write tomorrow night with more to say, going to see if this Contac medicine works! Night :)

monday news

My head is a lot clearer then it was a few days ago. We got back from Victoria yesterday and it was amazing. Im now in love with canada. It was so relaxing and peaceful, I felt like I was in a whole different world. Part of the reason was mainly because it allowed me to get away from home (even if only for 2 nights) and just being with my family was nice. I felt no pressure to make plans, hang out with people, or answer peoples questions about things that made their way though the grape vine quickly after I left. Megan, my sister and my mom and I had high tea at the oldest hotel in Victoria, we got facials (felt so good!) :) and ate at these two amazing restaurants that I ate way too much at! hehe. And I took like a billion pictures so the memories will last.
I think what also made the trip so nice was the timing. It was weekend get away that was much needed and I wish I was still there.
It has been hard to be home. Too many things remind me of what used to be... pictures, phone calls, the feeling of obligation I havent really been free from from quite some time. It good for me, I know it is. But that doesnt make it any easier. But, I have my friends, and being here for only 6 days makes things exciting... not sad.
I have so much to look forward to, it doesnt make sense to look behind. So I'll carry on to new places and new people.

To new beginnings..

update...

Well I havent updated in a while. A lot has changed. Almost a week before I leave for school. The family and I are headed to Victoria BC tomorrow morning for two nights. We're taking a sea plane thats picking us up at our dock! We get home Sunday and then my last week home begins. Many doctor appts, goodbyes, and planning/packing to do... very busy. Liz spent her last day at our house today, left about an hour ago. She moved in with us for about 5 days while her family was out of town.
We had our Hill's Patry/ girls night monday night which was a success! It was great to get the girls together to have one last get together :)
Let's see... I found out my roommates names, Nickolette and Yaika... were in a triple in Williams Hall. My friend Paige is in East Hall which is the other freshmen hall so that should work out well. Im getting very excited :)
Well, I have some packing for our weekend va-ca tomorrow, will update when I get home..

I never thought it would have been that hard,
I thought I was stronger.
I thought that when you sat down I wouldn't cry,
but I couldnt get my first rehersed sentence out without choking back the tears.
Its been so long, me and you
sometimes its hard to remember before it started,
before us.
I thought breakup's required one person's feelings to fade,
but in our case it was all in the timing.
Your voice made me start to cry,
my mascara running in lines across my checks.
I just wanted you to hold me,
and tell me everything was going to be ok,
but now we're standing on two different paths.
You were my many firsts, all of them i do not regret.
Our hug good-bye was unbearable,
I didnt want to let go of my arms around your neck.
Our last kiss was simple, I wouldnt have wanted it any other way.
Your touch made me tremble.
And I couldnt look as you pulled away,
everything was too blurry, my throat was burning, and people were staring.
I learned so much,
now I just need to learn how to move on.

another

It fun keeping these poems as markers as to what I was going through, what I felt, and how things ended up in the larger scheme of things. Poetry, I believe, is the one thing I can still relate to years later and understand what was going on in my life. Its something that I love probably because it comes so easily to me, sometimes its more powerful or harsh than I would like. But I never edit, never go back and re-word things. Everything's raw. Everything's real. And that's why I like it.

my other writings...

so I used to have a blog type thing on live journal, like Sophomore through Senior year but I stopped updating it and would periodically forget about it so I basically abandoned it... BUT it wasn't really a place where I would do this kinda of journal type stuff, it was more a place I found to post my poetry. SO I decided that to stop posting my poems would be ridiculous since I am a writer at heart so every once in a while I will post some of my thoughts. Mainly because I don't want to ever forget what I was feeling at any one point in my life (good or bad) and two, poetry speaks most of the time more truth than the daily life I share in essay form. Enjoy,

This is something i wrote after patrick and I's first kiss, Nov.26th 2005. (ahhh I can't believe I kept this!)

We sat on the couch
your hand intertwined in mine.
I played with your palm
feeling the calices of your finger tips.
I don't know what this is
between us,
but I know it feels right.
You make me laugh
your presence is profound,
as we sit and talk about nothing.
I lean my head against your shoulder
and I feel safe.
Your lips find mine
the movie still playing,
I sacrifice seeing the last scene
for this.
You touch my cheek lightly
your hand cool against my flushed face.
so I write it off as another first kiss.
but i hope your different
then the last boy I kissed.
because I don't think I could take it.

family homecoming

Just got home from my last day at work... kinda bittersweet but it will be nice to not have to consult a schedule whenever i need to plan something. Megan and Austin got home tonight! I baked them their favorite cookies :) We are hosting a party tomorrow for 30 people all friends of my mom's from high school are their families. Hopefully the weather holds!
Patrick gets home from Spain tomorrow as well, he left me one message on wednesday but other than that I havent heard from him. He gets in around 4:30ish, but it will seem like 2am to him! I did want to go to the airport, but with the party and all it seemed better that I stay around the house to help entertain.
Its august now and I dont know where the time has gone. I'm just trying to enjoy it all before I leave on the 26th (or 25th) depending. All and all its been a good weekend :) so far.
OH and Ali (my 11 month older aunt) is coming home from the 12th to the 18th.... so excited! It will be nice for some much needed girl talk :)

♥